Chill Pill Chronicles

***TRIGGER WARNING: physical abuse & mention of drugs*** This post is going to be very vulnerable.  I am going to talk about some things that may be very triggering to some people.   If you are triggered by physical abuse or mention of drugs, please DO NOT continue reading this post.   I think we all remember our “first love”.  For most people, those memories tend to be positive, fun, happy memories.  That, unfortunately, is not the case for me. 16 year old Emily had A LOT of issues.  Not only was I still struggling with my anxiety and depression, I was starting to experience some things that I believe most 16 year old girls struggle with.  I was very self conscience.  I was very unsure of my self and my worth as a person.  So, what do most 16 year old girls do when they feel this way?  They look for a boy to give them that confidence boost.  I craved the attention that I received from boys.  They would tell me how pretty I...

 I think we have all had at least one experience with a doctor we just didn’t like.  For one reason or another, they just gave you bad vibes.  Unfortunately, that experience for me was my first Psychiatrist.   If you read my “the first time” post, you will know I was in therapy for a while.  It was helping, but I just wasn’t making the kind of progress we were hoping for.  I was still really struggling with severe anxiety, panic and depression almost daily.  This is about the time my parents started talking about taking me to a Psychiatrist for possible medication.  We had many talks about medication.  We knew that the side effects could cause more harm than good, but we also knew we really had no other option.   Off the bat, I had that gut feeling I wasn’t going to like this.  I remember the office being “stuffy”.  It was so dark.  Dark walls, dark furniture, dim lighting.  It was bizarre.  But I went in, answer...

 Back again with the basics!  This time I want to dig into depression.  The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) describes depressions as "a common but serious mood disorder that causes severe symptoms that effect how a person feels, thinks, and handles daily activities." There are a few different types of depression: Major Depression Persistant Depressive Disorder Prenatal Depression Seasonal Affective Disorder Depression with Symptoms of Psychosis  Depression can present itself in many ways.  Some Symptoms of depression include: Persistent sad moods Feelings of hopelessness  Feelings of guilt or worthlessness Loss of interest  Thoughts of self harm and/or suicide Though these are common symptoms, not everyone who is depressed will feel all of these, some people may only feel one or two of these symptoms.  Depression also commonly presents as a comorbid disorder, meaning it is often associated with another mental health diagnosis i.e. anxie...

Do you remember your first panic attack? I remember mine like it was yesterday.  *For context purposes, I have a death phobia.  Not just my own death, but also my loved ones and even pets.* Now let's dig in.  I was 12 years old.  I was at a youth group service at my church, I believe it was a Wednesday evening.  I remember sitting down in the large group area and the current youth pastor said we were going to watch a video.  So I sat there, not a care in the world, enjoying my Wednesday evening with my friends.  Little did I know, my entire life was about to change.  So, this video starts and me, being a rule follower, am intently watching the video screen.   This video is talking about the "epicenter" and ultimately the rapture.  For those who don't know, that is the second coming of Jesus. All of a sudden, I had the most intense feeling of fear I have ever felt.  I immediately starting sweating.  I felt like I was having...

Let's start with the basics shall we. I want to talk about definitions.  I want to really break down what Anxiety/Depression/OCD is.  Knowledge is power after all.  Let's start with Anxiety, which is broken down into several different types but I'm going to hit on these 2: Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) describes GAD as "involving a persistent feeling of anxiety or dread, which can interfere with daily life."  People who suffer from GAD have a wide range of symptoms including feeling restless or on-edge, having difficulty concentrating, dealing with feelings of worry, and difficulty sleeping or staying asleep. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) "3.1% of the American population are affected by GAD".   Panic Disorder   The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) describes Panic disorder as "having frequent and unexpected panic attacks". Panic Attacks are su...

Hi everyone! Welcome to my blog.  I've never done this before, so you will have to bare with me. I'm Emily!  A mother, wife, and struggler of chronic mental health issues.  I have dealt with the effects of anxiety, panic, depression and OCD almost all my life (a story we will get into later). I wanted to create a blog for a few reasons. To get things off my chest.  I am learning that writing down my thoughts, feelings, and emotions is an important tool in my healing tool kit.  To bring awareness to not only the struggle of mental illness, but the healing that we all hope for. Most importantly- to let people know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We all struggle with something.  Our journey's all look different, but at the end of the day we are all hoping for healing. I hope that as you all come along this ride with me, we learn to not only manage our symptoms, but find true healing.  And yes, I say OUR because I am learning too.  I am excited to get this thing g...