A not so great first impression

 I think we have all had at least one experience with a doctor we just didn’t like.  For one reason or another, they just gave you bad vibes.  Unfortunately, that experience for me was my first Psychiatrist.  

If you read my “the first time” post, you will know I was in therapy for a while.  It was helping, but I just wasn’t making the kind of progress we were hoping for.  I was still really struggling with severe anxiety, panic and depression almost daily.  This is about the time my parents started talking about taking me to a Psychiatrist for possible medication.  We had many talks about medication.  We knew that the side effects could cause more harm than good, but we also knew we really had no other option.  

Off the bat, I had that gut feeling I wasn’t going to like this.  I remember the office being “stuffy”.  It was so dark.  Dark walls, dark furniture, dim lighting.  It was bizarre.  But I went in, answered all the questions, and waited for the professional opinion we came for. 

He told my parents I had Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), and that’s why I was so anxious and depressed *insert eye roll*.  So, I left that doctors office feeling confused, self conscious and with a shiny new prescription for Adderall.  I get pissed off just thinking about it.

What transpired for the next year of my life was a living hell.  

I was a ZOMBIE.  A complete shell of my self.  I didn’t want to talk to any one.  I literally wanted to go to school and go home and sleep.  I never came out of my room.  I was hardly eating.  I quit playing sports.  I quit talking to my friends.  I just didn’t have the energy.  I was miserable to say the least.  I was also angry.  Angry that I had these problems.  Angry at that doctor.  Angry at the world really.  All of this because of a misdiagnosis, and medication that was harming me, not helping. 

Thankfully I was honest with my parents and told them that I hated taking the medication and wanted to get off of it and they agreed.  So I weaned off of the medication and immediately started feeling more like myself.  I was no longer in a “hermit” state.  

I really hate that I had such a terrible experience with that doctor, because it made me very nervous to seek psychiatric help again.  I was so scared to start going to therapy again, and talking about my problems.  I was scared that they were all going to be like him.  Luckily that wasn’t the case.  I continued therapy and just tried to manage being “normal” again.  I’m thankful that one experience didn’t ruin my outlook on doctors forever, but unfortunately for some people, it would have.  I know many people who don’t trust doctors or medical opinions because of one bad experience.  

If my words are worth anything, please try again.  Reach out to different doctors until you find the right fit for you.  It may take a little time, but it will be so worth it to get help and support from the right doctor. 

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