Attachment Theory

 Ya'll, I have gone down a rabbit hole.  I first heard about attachment theory and attachment types on The Anxiety Chicks Podcast, and it really piqued my interest.  I started down a rabbit hole of research about attachment theory and ultimately how it affects adult relationships.  So, here we go. 

Attachment Theory focuses on relationships and bonds between people, including those between child and parent and romantic partners.  It is a psychological explanation for the emotional bonds between people.  Attachment Theory suggest that people are born with the innate need to forge bonds with caregivers as children.  These early bonds may continue to have an influence on attachments throughout life.  I believe this is especially true if you experienced trauma of some type in childhood. 

British psychologist John Bowlby was the first attachment theorist.  He described attachment as "a lasting psychological connectedness between human beings".   The central theme of attachment theory is that primary caregivers who are available and responsive to infant's needs, allow the child to develop a sense of security in life.  Psychologist Mary Ainsworth expanded upon Bowlby's original work.  She performed a study known as "The Strange Situation" in which children between the ages of 12-18 months were briefly left alone and then reunited with their mothers.  Based on Ainsworth's observations, she described 3 major styles of attachment: secure attachment, ambivalent (anxious) attachment, and avoidant attachment. 

So now that you know the basics of how attachment theory came to be, I want to go into how it affects people in adulthood. 

There are 3 primary underlying dimensions that characterize attachment patterns. 

1. Closeness, meaning the extent to which people feel comfortable being emotionally close and intimate with others. 2. Dependence/avoidance.  3. Anxiety or the extent to which people worry their partners will abandon or reject them.  So now that you know the characteristics let's talk more about attachment types. 

The types of attachment styles or patterns are:

• Secure attachment- low on avoidance, low on anxiety.  These people are comfortable with intimacy and not worried about rejection or being preoccupied with the relationship.  Securely attached people are comfortable in a warm, loving and emotionally close relationship.  They accept their partners need for space without feeling rejected.  They tend to be trusting, empathetic, and forgiving.  They will not avoid conflict when it arises. 
• Avoidant attachment- high on avoidance, low on anxiety.  These people are uncomfortable with closeness and primarily value independence.  They aren't worried with their partners availability.  Avoidantly attached people tend to be emotionally distant and keep their partners at arm's length.  They are not comfortable talking about their emotions, and they will avoid conflict and eventually explode.  
• Anxious attachment- low on avoidance, high on anxiety.  These people crave closeness and intimacy.  They tend to be very insecure in relationships.  They are constantly worried about rejection and abandonment.  They tend to be codependent, needy, and require reassurance.  They are overly sensitive about their partners actions and moods.  They tend to be highly emotional and can be argumentative.

Adults with these attachment styles differ in a number of significant ways.

• How they perceive and deal with emotional intimacy.
• Their ability to communicate their emotions and needs and listen to and understand the emotional needs of their partner. 
• They differ in their modes of responding to conflict.
• They differ in their expectations about their partners and the relationship as a whole. 

In my personal life, I tend to fall between anxious attachment and secure attachment.  I will say, many years ago, I was 100% anxious attachment.  But as I have aged and matured, I notice more secure attachment styles in my marriage as well as friendships and relationships with family members.  I still am very much a "highly sensitive person" and a people pleaser, which is where my anxious attachment style comes into play sometimes.  My husband on the other hand falls in between avoidant and secure attachment.  His attachment style has also changed a lot over the years.  I find it very interesting that my attachment style has changed.  I think this proves that external stressors/factors play a big role in your attachment style throughout life. 

Now you don't have to go down the rabbit hole like I did, but I highly recommend researching attachment theory and styles in adulthood.  There are even some websites you can take a quiz to see what attachment style you are.  It may help you to better understand what you can work on if you are struggling in intimate or other relationships.