Anxiety about Therapy???

I know, crazy right.  Having anxiety about going to therapy.  How contradicting. 

Unfortunately that was me Tuesday.  Let me explain, the last time I went to therapy I was in CRISIS mode.  I was in a full blown mental break down.  So I had a little bit of fear going into my next appointment just based off my last memory of being there.  I also normally go to therapy for a specific cause.  A few examples- I had my first ever flight coming up, I had a couple miscarriages, I had a mental break down.  I've never gone to therapy to just "talk" about my issues.  Well this appointment, I was really doing so much better since the last time, and I didn't know what we were going to talk about.  I didn't have a "topic", so that scared me.  The unknown of what was going to happen at the appointment was stressing me out.

Luckily I have an amazing therapist and she didn't skip a beat.  Something that I realized Tuesday is just how much my therapist cares about me, and truly helping me.  We did what I call "classic therapy".  We started from the beginning.  She said she wants to get to the root cause of why I have the different mental illnesses that I do.  She asked about my childhood, what my home was like, what my family dynamic was like etc.  She analyzed me.  I didn't realize how badly I wanted that.  I needed someone to break it down and LISTEN to me, and tell me what they thought.  I learned so many things about myself that I never knew.  It was like 100 light bulbs going off in my head.  It just made sense.  

Toward the end of the appointment I admitted to her that I was anxious about coming in, mostly because I didn't have a topic to talk about.  She said something to me that I thought was amazing.  She said "honey, I always have a topic.  You could be having the best 6 months of your life, and you lay that 1 card out there on the table, and I'm going to snatch it up so fast."  I was really in awe of that.  I guess I really take for granted the work she does, and the skills it takes to be a therapist.  

I ended that appointment feeling the best I ever have.  Feeling so excited to go back the next time and continue our conversation.  So, no more therapy anxiety for me! 

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